Wishes Will Be Corrupted

[R. U. Sirius]

Granted; it so badly corrupted it's not even worth mentioning.

I wish for a functional lightsaber and the training to use it safely.

[ironbite]

Granted.  Seeing as you don't have the Force, you get shot by a blaster.

Ironbite-I wish I had the Force.

[JohnE]

Granted: but you also have a raging midichlorian rash.

I wish I had a holodeck.

[R. U. Sirius]

Granted; you get killed by a holographic T. Rex when the safeties malfunction.

I wish for a pet triceratops.

[Random Gal]

Granted. It is impossible to tame, very aggressive, destroys things left and right, and leaves huge piles of shit everywhere.

(I really didn't need to do much to corrupt that one.)

I wish my cat would start liking me again (not sexually!)

[Ghoti]

Granted. It becomes deathly ill whenever it's separated from you, so you can't do anything without it right there.

I wish I had biotics.

[Askold]

Granted. It will be centuries before Bio-amps are developed for humans so your powers are weak and unpractical.

I wish I had a magic sword.

[Art Vandelay]

Granted, it's a sword that magically stays as blunt as a butter knife, no matter how much you sharpen it.

I wish the wildlife wasn't so loud.

[R. U. Sirius]

Granted. You never hear that mountain lion sneaking up to eat you.

I wish for the wisdom of Solomon, the strength of Hercules, the stamina of Atlas, the power of Zeus, the courage of Achilles and the speed of Mercury.

[Ghoti]

Granted. You're fictional.

I wish I wasn't so goddamn sore.

[Random Gal]

Granted. You lose all connection with your nervous system from the neck down, meaning you can no longer feel pain there but are also paralyzed.

I wish for a starship capable of FTL travel and which doesn't require unobtainable power sources.

[R. U. Sirius]

Granted. You destroy an entire planet inhabited by an intelligent species when you crash into it.

I wish for the ability to endure any weather extreme without discomfort or ill effects.

[Ghoti]

Granted. The day after this ability takes effect, you fall off a ladder and die.

I wish I could get away with telling my mom to stuff her archaic ideas about sexuality up her sodding bunghole.

[Random Gal]

Granted. Your mother ditches her archaic ideas about sexuality and instead becomes a radfem lesbian separatist. She now harasses you for surrendering your wymmynhood to the Patriarchy instead.

I wish I was a god.

[Ghoti]

Granted. You're one of the old, forgotten deities that only gets mentioned in history/mythology books.

I wish I could convince my dad that Pres. Reagan's "welfare queen" image was and is largely bullshit.