How White are you?

[Thejebusfire]

I got no questions about Monty Phython, Dr. Who, or Star Trek and/or Wars. So therefore bullshit.

[deadpandoubter]

I disagree DPD. Owning a pickup truck, liking fishing, and knowing who Jimmie Johnson is doesn't a redneck make.

Bragging about such things, however, tends to be a good indicator of redneckness. In the Carolinas, at least.

[Osama bin Bambi]

My day as a white american:

It started when I took this survey that said I was in a bubble.  How do I break out?  I can just spend a day doing things to get "yes" answers.

I go to the convenience store to pick up a 24 pack of Budweiser and a carton of cigarettes.  And back home.  Shouldn't I be going to work?  Hmm... I'll get to that later.

I crack open a beer and light a cig-  shit!  I forgot a lighter, so I light it off the stove.

I turn on the TV and switch to nascar.  One beer down.  I start a new one.  Cars are driving in circles.  I become bored and drink another beer.  My cigarette is out, so I need to relight another one on the stove.  Note to self: always keep more cigarettes around so I can use the previous one to light it.

I look at the list.  Church.  I drive to a church, drinking another beer in the process.  I smoke another cigarette.  I have to remind myself to get a lighter.

I try to make a friend at church.  That way I'll have a friend that's a fundamentalist christian I disagree with politically, to mark off 2 more yes answers in one shot.  All friendship attempts fail.  Something about rudeness in interrupting the sermon, reeking of tobacco, and slurring my wrods.  I'm forced to leave, but wait around drinking beer until peolpe leave church and someone does something known as "witnessing", and claims to be a friend triyng to "save" me.  Thsoe two things:  Check.

I'm hungry.  Appelbees soudns awesome right now!  I'm drunk, but I'm at that point where I'm relaly good at driving, nto too messed up that I'm impaired.  There is smoething like that, right?  Everyone else sukcs at driving, but whatever.  I get there, double park across two hanidcap spots an dwalk in.  I get in and ask for a "fucking bloomin' onion".  They say something about it being the worng resturant, but whatever.  Oprah is on.  Another thing on the checklist to become a super amerian.  I grunt and point to something on the menu.

Oprah is talking about some book when a nice girl arrvies with food.  I was hnugry, and she read my mind!  I'm in love ^_^ Oh yeh, I ordered that, huh?  Maybe this will sboer me up.  That was some really fucking awesome food, a lot better when you're drunk, and I'm sobered up a bit.  I finish watching Oprah and walk out.  I think I forgot something about paiyng, but it's too late now.  I crack open another beer and drive off.

...and carsh into a pole!  Fcuk, that pole jupmed out form nowhere!  goddmait!  Car won't strat adn is spilling smelly liquids everywhere.  I pull all my beers out of the car and strat walking.  Walking and drinkign.  I need a fucking cigarette.  Lighter!  I go to a conevnience store, hid the beers behind a bush to lighten the load and wlak in.  I grab a lighter and dump all the coins in my wlalet onto the counter.  Not enough, so I grap a dollar bill out of my wallet and toss it dwon.  But it was a Receipt.  OK.  ar eal dollar.  Nwo I can lihgt up.  also gte myslef a bag to carry the beers.

I pull out the list.  Greyhound bus and tranfsormers movie sound good.  I fnid the cheapest ticket and go on the bus, then to the movie thaeter and fnid out they dnot allow beer adn I have to fnish what I hvae before I go in.  I pnoud that shit lkie a champ and gte a mvoie ticket.  The plot mkaes no snese but awesome expolsions!  Dude, it wsa fcukng awsmoe!  I think I threw up on the folor at one poitn btu it was sticyk aynways so fcuk it.  I got out after movie endde and can't fnid where I parked.  Oh goddammit, I guses I am wakling.

I wake up having no idea where I am, what time it is, or where my car or pants are.  I have the worst splitting headache you could imagine.  My cell phone is near me, and I have angry text messages from everyone.  Near me is a list:

drink cheap beer and smoke cigarettes
Get injured at a factory job while wearing a uniform
shoot some varmints
go to rotory club meeting
parade
find fundie friend with political disagreements
Watch nascar and Oprah
watch transformers movie
join the military
ride a greyhound bus
disown my parents and claim a poor family as my own
make friend with someone incapable of passing high school
move to poor neighborhood

Iz I a white American?

[Xander Zzyzx]

I got 10 out of 20, It claims that I still have an upper class bubble, which is bullshit because my family couldn't be further from "upper class".

There was that question about the parade thing: If I answer "no" to the question about participating in a parade that wasn't for gay rights, or global warming awareness, then I have participated in other types of parades? Too bad there wasn't an option for "I have never participated in ANY parade. And also, having owned a pickup truck in my life, as well as enjoying fishing during the summer, does not make me some uncultured hillbilly.

[clockworkgirl21]

On a scale from 0 to 20 points, where 20 signifies full engagement with mainstream American culture and 0 signifies deep cultural isolation within the new upper class bubble, you scored between 9 and 12.

In other words, even if you're part of the new upper class, you've had a lot of exposure to the rest of America.


Me upper class? LOL!

[The Right Honourable Mlle Antéchrist]

Took the quiz even though I'm not American. 8 out of 20.

[Oriet]

I took it for the lulz. I got 6/20. I admit I could stand to get out more, but if I did they would assume I'd have an even thicker bubble or whatever. Also gotta love how he assumes "white" equals snobby upper class. If anything, snobby upper class is less American, as they're further removed from the majority of Americans, so yeah, it's bullshit.

[Saturn500]

On a scale from 0 to 20 points, where 20 signifies full engagement with mainstream American culture and 0 signifies deep cultural isolation within the new upper class bubble, you scored between 0 and 4.

In other words, your bubble is so thick you may not even know you're in one.

[VirtualStranger]

HOLY NECROMANCY, BATMAN! THE DEAD THREAD HAS RISEN FROM IT'S GRAVE.

[driewerf]

The beer thing doesn't apply to me because I've usually had the more microbrews or foreign beers and I did not feel that was very white to do.

That was an easy one for me. Here in Belgium we have without any doubts the best beers in the world. And the quiz stipulated "domestic beers", so yes I have them in the fridge.

[Old Viking]

I'm proud to announce that I'm an honorary black man.  Although I'm still uncoordinated.

[ThunderWulf]

LOL, this is so stupid.  I'm part of the upper class bubble?  Yes, that's why I'm a retail manager who's still saving up to buy a new car.  -_-  Some of these things made no sense in the context of the quiz.  Like the Transformers movie one.  How is not seeing A movie an upper class thing? o_O

[Fpqxz]

Let's not forget that Charles Murray is a paid right-wing propagandist who gets funding from the usual suspects (Heritage Foundation et al.).  There is no reason to take anything he says at face value.

[The Right Honourable Mlle Antéchrist]

I retook the test. It seems I'm still a bad American. Guess it's a good thing that I'm Canadian.

[Shane for Wax]

Holy necromancy... But since someone responded to me...

The beer thing doesn't apply to me because I've usually had the more microbrews or foreign beers and I did not feel that was very white to do.

That was an easy one for me. Here in Belgium we have without any doubts the best beers in the world. And the quiz stipulated "domestic beers", so yes I have them in the fridge.

I dunno. Belgium and Germany seem to be head-to-head for me and my tastebuds. And I say that with American, Brit, German, and Belgian alcoholic beverages in my fridge.