i had a dream about a month ago that still haunts me.
first off, disculpation. i know i've got a faulty brain, and i keep it in check. i try and do good, and stay calm. hell, i consider myself a nice, if unpredictable, person. ok, now for the dream.
i'm in my hometown in southern france, on the plaza where i used to play as a kid. there's some construction work being done, and there are metal palissades dressed up. i see a construction worker go behind one, and i follow. he doesn't see me. there's a hole exposing cables and pipes. it's pretty deep. i pull out my knife, and slash his throat from behind, being careful to not get blood on me. i let his exsanguinated corpse fall into the hole. "so that's what that feels like. kinda dissappointing" i say to myself. the foreman comes around with another worker as well as a lady. an investor, perhaps, or a town-hall employee. it doesn't matter. their throats are slashed and their corpses fall into the pit as well. there can be no witnesses, because people tend to hunt murderers. i fill up the hole again, hiding my deed. no witnesses, no bodies, no problem. i go to my car and drive away, my sense of curiosity sated.
i woke up in a cold sweat. it's so unlike me and my image of myself that i talked to my shrink about it. she told me not to worry unduly about it, it's just my brain trying out possibilities. although as to guess which disorder is responsible is anyone's guess.
whenever i remember that dream, i feel like crap. that's not me. or is it?