Judas 6:4, "And, lo, I did give the guards the 30 sheckles of silver to pay off the Lord's debts. When questioned where they might find me later, to deliver mine receipt, I did answer truthfully."
Judas 6:6, "OH FUCK, THE BASTARDS RAIDED THE PLACE AND TOOK JESUS? THEY'RE BLAMING ME! WHATDOIDO? FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK!"
And that, children, is why we have Easter.