Author Topic: Nice Can Be Annoying  (Read 5073 times)

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Offline tygerarmy

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Nice Can Be Annoying
« on: October 24, 2012, 07:55:06 pm »
 I did have a girl ask me on a date to her church after just coming up and sitting next to me on a bus though.
But it's an interesting article.
Look, Guys, Even ‘Nice’ Can Be Annoying

I wanna know what the FSTDT thinks of this point of view.
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Offline Material Defender

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Re: Nice Can Be Annoying
« Reply #1 on: October 24, 2012, 08:06:07 pm »
Really it depends on the level of sincerity and intensity. Though some women would prefer if you have the same beliefs as them, so it's not unreasonable topic.

But just incessant can get annoying. I get a lot of people who come and sit with me at lunch out of obligation to make the loner feel more involved. Some people WANT to be alone. They dont WANT to be imposed upon. I have asbergers, and I've grown to have an aversion to conversation that doesn't involve my interests. Boring conversations are like... my bane.
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Offline Smurfette Principle

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Re: Nice Can Be Annoying
« Reply #2 on: October 24, 2012, 11:34:43 pm »
Guys, the point of the article to draw a parallel to harassment, so religion doesn't have anything to do with it. It's more, "STOP HITTING ON ME WHEN IT IS CLEAR I DON'T WANT TO BE HIT ON."

Spot on, basically.

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Re: Nice Can Be Annoying
« Reply #3 on: October 24, 2012, 11:55:29 pm »
Guys, the point of the article to draw a parallel to harassment, so religion doesn't have anything to do with it. It's more, "STOP HITTING ON ME WHEN IT IS CLEAR I DON'T WANT TO BE HIT ON."

Spot on, basically.

I was focusing on the harassment aspect.
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Offline Smurfette Principle

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Re: Nice Can Be Annoying
« Reply #4 on: October 25, 2012, 02:57:44 am »
Guys, the point of the article to draw a parallel to harassment, so religion doesn't have anything to do with it. It's more, "STOP HITTING ON ME WHEN IT IS CLEAR I DON'T WANT TO BE HIT ON."

Spot on, basically.

I was focusing on the harassment aspect.

Ah, it seemed like you were interpreting it literally. My bad.

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Re: Nice Can Be Annoying
« Reply #5 on: October 25, 2012, 06:36:30 am »
From what I've heard this is a recruitment tactic taken by various evangelical churches. Find a single guy, have one of your girls appear interested, drag him to chruch.

Easily the most dishonest method of doing I've ever seen, at least cold cocking someone and stuffing them in a back leaves your intentions open.

Offline rookie

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Re: Nice Can Be Annoying
« Reply #6 on: October 25, 2012, 12:50:15 pm »
From what I've heard this is a recruitment tactic taken by various evangelical churches. Find a single guy, have one of your girls appear interested, drag him to chruch.

Easily the most dishonest method of doing I've ever seen, at least cold cocking someone and stuffing them in a back leaves your intentions open.

Oh, I don't know, Distind. I've always enjoyed the irony of whoring your female parishioners for Jeebus. They younger (legal) women pretend to come on to a guy while the older women call everyone whores, sluts, and fornicators. It's always struck me funny the same way watching the Three Stooges walk across the room grabbing onto each others' hair.
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Re: Nice Can Be Annoying
« Reply #7 on: October 25, 2012, 04:46:59 pm »
I'm glad that story turned out to be fictional, because my bullshit detector was going off through the entire thing. It does do a good job of showing you somebody else's perspective, though.

I think a lot of guys don't quite understand just what some girls have to deal with. I worked with a girl for awhile who was, for most guys, a 10, and got hit on a shocking amount. Shocking to me, anyway. It was normal for her. Dudes even hit on her when she was very clearly pregnant.

From what I was able to observe, the rejections broke down something like this:
25% of the rejected walked away after being rejected, and were nice about it
75% of the rejected continued to proposition after the initial rejection
Half of the 75% walked away after multiple rejections
Half of the 75% resorted to calling the girl a bitch or other such terrible things, then walked away

The point of the article, I feel, is don't be an asshole when you're rejected. Yes, it hurts. But you also need to understand that a lot of girls deal with this kind of stuff all the time, and being nice doesn't mean as much as you think. They get nice a lot. Nice from people with hidden agendas.

Be sincere. If you want to talk to a girl, talk to her. Don't do a nice thing for her so you can guilt or trap her into talking to you.
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Re: Nice Can Be Annoying
« Reply #8 on: October 25, 2012, 04:55:42 pm »
I don't really get the whole "Walk up and ask a perfect stranger out."

I've seen some hot guys out there.  I haven't particularly felt a desire to walk up and ask them out because (being taken aside), I don't know them.  I don't know what they're like.  Even assuming every hot guy I met was interested in a gay relationship, that still doesn't mean I'd ask them out.

Conversely, if a complete stranger asked me out, I'd probably be flattered, but I don't think I'd accept because, key words, I don't know them.

I suppose that's what dates are for, to get to know the person you just met, but I guess I'm just backwards in the sense that I'd rather get to know a person FIRST before asking them out on a date.
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Re: Nice Can Be Annoying
« Reply #9 on: October 25, 2012, 05:05:52 pm »
I'm weird, but while I get a physical reaction from say... exposed cleavage, I don't get any mental urge to hit on someone. Might be the whole disjoint I have between my mind and body. I don't feel strong attraction to people unless I make a strong intellectual connection with them. It makes me sincere, but isolated since I don't find events fun just because they feature lots of people. Also can make me seem like an asshole since I tend to blurt things out and blah blah.

Sometimes I get the urge to be really nice to the new person because they seem intelligent and I'd like them to stick around in whatever I'm part of, and that often time gets me accused of hitting on people. Now that's annoying. Though apparently I was being a huge cock tease with someone without realizing it... while they were trying to do the same to me. Was an odd time.
The material needs a defender more than the spiritual. If there is a higher power, it can defend itself from the material. Thus denotes 'higher power'.

"Not to know is bad. Not to want to know is worse. Not to hope is unthinkable. Not to care is unforgivable." -Nigerian Saying

Art Vandelay

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Re: Nice Can Be Annoying
« Reply #10 on: October 25, 2012, 09:19:10 pm »
I suppose that's what dates are for, to get to know the person you just met, but I guess I'm just backwards in the sense that I'd rather get to know a person FIRST before asking them out on a date.
I'm the same way, and I really don't see why it's the minority mindset in this sort of thing. I don't want to get emotionally invested in someone I don't know and with whom any mutual attraction can only possibly be superficial. That's a fucking terrible idea.

Offline davedan

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Re: Nice Can Be Annoying
« Reply #11 on: October 25, 2012, 09:49:54 pm »
I suppose that's what dates are for, to get to know the person you just met, but I guess I'm just backwards in the sense that I'd rather get to know a person FIRST before asking them out on a date.
I'm the same way, and I really don't see why it's the minority mindset in this sort of thing. I don't want to get emotionally invested in someone I don't know and with whom any mutual attraction can only possibly be superficial. That's a fucking terrible idea.


You're assuming an emotional investment. I suspect if you hit on someone randomly you just want a fuck and if an emotional connection builds out of that then. Bonus.

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Re: Nice Can Be Annoying
« Reply #12 on: October 25, 2012, 10:26:41 pm »
You're assuming an emotional investment. I suspect if you hit on someone randomly you just want a fuck and if an emotional connection builds out of that then. Bonus.
If you're asking them out, or vice versa, then that's basically a request for an exclusive romantic relationship (unless stated otherwise, naturally). If you're just after quick porking then asking them out is probably not the most optimal way to approach things.

Offline davedan

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Re: Nice Can Be Annoying
« Reply #13 on: October 25, 2012, 10:59:00 pm »
I just assumed the first hit on would be "go on a date with me (underlying unspoken intent - so I can pork you silly)" - rather than I want to spend the rest of time with you attractive coffee shop lady whose name I do not know.

Offline Sylvana

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Re: Nice Can Be Annoying
« Reply #14 on: October 26, 2012, 04:00:47 am »
I just assumed the first hit on would be "go on a date with me (underlying unspoken intent - so I can pork you silly)" - rather than I want to spend the rest of time with you attractive coffee shop lady whose name I do not know.

I agree with this. I admit I haven't been hit on a lot, but then In don't get out much and am so oblivious that when I am hit on, I probably don't even realize it. When I do notice I am reasonably flattered though.

The thing is though when I was looking for a boyfriend, I tried internet dating sites. while I got a fair number of hits from guys, many stopped all contact when they realized I was not going to put out for them without actually getting into a real long lasting relationship, and that is even excluding the people who sent me pictures of their penis by about the second message. (a phenomenon I still don't understand.)

I would like to state though that not all guys are like that, and I met a really great one who has stuck with me for 3 years already despite us not really having had sex (its complicated). However, I have found that the vast majority are pretty much our for sex, preferably as easily as possible.