Crappypasta

[Ironchew]

Better men than me have made an entire category of these:

http://trollpasta.wikia.com/wiki/Category:Pasta_Trying_To_Be_Good_When_It_Sucks_Enough_To_Be_A_Troll > 929 total

Have fun.

[Second Coming of Madman]

OH GOD NO WHY HELP GOD PLEASE WHY NO STOP JUST LET ME GO.

IN NO WAY DO I WANT TO BE OR IS A TROLL PASTA!

One day, as I was playing SADX, my character started acting strange. What I found interesting was Sonic started using Amy’s physics, and Amy used Sonic’s.

“sweet” I said

But, Amy turned to the screen, as if to make sure I was watching.


Well, what’d you expect? Some screamer of Amy?


She dropped her hammer, on (what I assume) was an accident.


She bent over, picking it up…


But there was no white under her dress…


But…


What? I could see her… @$$? “sweet!” I yelled.


It looked so… real…


After that (“horrid”) experience, she had her hammer back, but then I couldn’t control her, and she killed all of the people in Station Square, while I sat and said “your…”


After she finished, she took her dress OFF.


While I said “SO SWEET!”


Then she took me into ARDX


I AM NOW LIVING MY LIFE IN THIS EPIC GAME, AMY AND I GOT MARRIED, AND SHE’S ALWAYS NUDE!


Honey, why are you staring at me like tha- OH GOD YE-


HAVE FEAR… AMY ROSE IS HERE!

I just developed Haemolacria.

[I am lizard]

That made sense!

[Second Coming of Madman]

That made sense!

Only to the dark malefic powers that turn the grindstones of time, only to them.

[Random Gal]

HYPERREALISTIC BLOOD YOU GUYS! BLOOD WITH THE BLOODY BLOOD BLOOD! STATIC! SCARY! BLOOD! HYPERREALISTIC!


...sorry.

AND THEN A SKELETON POPPED OUT!

[Igor]

HYPERREALISTIC BLOOD YOU GUYS! BLOOD WITH THE BLOODY BLOOD BLOOD! STATIC! SCARY! BLOOD! HYPERREALISTIC!


...sorry.

AND THEN A SKELETON POPPED OUT!

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bH0DoZa-rE4" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bH0DoZa-rE4</a>

[Ultimate Paragon]

ONE DAY I WENT TO DEH GARAGE SAIL QND SA A MAN GIVE ME DIS COPEH OF SPENGBAB SQUARE PANTZ BUT SAID THE COPY IS HAUNTED SO WHEN II PUT YHE DISK IN IT WAZ STATIC AND LATER SQUIDWARD WAS STARING AT DE SCREEN AND THEN HYPER-REALISTIC BLOOD EVERYEHERE AND THEN A SERIAL KILLER CAME TO MY HOUUS ANND KILLD MEH. ND DEN A SKELELELETON POOPED OUT.

I'm pretty sure this is a troll, but I can't know for certain.

[Igor]

That's absolutely a troll, it's a combination of pretty much all of the most overplayed creepypasta tropes in two sentences and--yeah, I know that's the joke. Someone go ahead and post the picture.

[niam2023]

I wrote a crappypasta when I was like twelve. I saved it because its funny.

(click to show/hide)

There was a big bad berserk man who lived in the hills. He charges down every saterday to kill people with his chainsaw axe. if u step on a crack in the pavement, he gets mad and comes down early to kill you. once he kills you, he takes out your skeleton and has tea with it. He then eats it. Also, if you say his name six times in front of a mirror, he and bloody mary appear and kill you. So don't do anything that makes him mad and be nice to girls and ladies and thirty year old ladies at school or he'll come down from his mountain and KILL YOUS!

[Witchyjoshy]

Remember when these were called ghost stories?

[Second Coming of Madman]

Why back in my day, we didn't need no Slenderman. We just needed the Green Man. We didn't need no Tulpa nonsense for our folk monsters, we just needed downed power lines and childhood magic.

Kids these days don't have the childhood magic.

Get me my goddamn snuff, sonny! Grandpa Johnson can't talk without the snuff! Do I have to whip your ass into self-agency?

[I am lizard]

That's absolutely a troll, it's a combination of pretty much all of the most overplayed creepypasta tropes in two sentences and--yeah, I know that's the joke. Someone go ahead and post the picture.

Bogleech wrote that.

[Barbarella]

Why back in my day, we didn't need no Slenderman. We just needed the Green Man. We didn't need no Tulpa nonsense for our folk monsters, we just needed downed power lines and childhood magic.

Kids these days don't have the childhood magic.

Get me my goddamn snuff, sonny! Grandpa Johnson can't talk without the snuff! Do I have to whip your ass into self-agency?

The weird thing is, that urban legend was somehow based on a rather nice gentleman who was horribly disfigured as a kid.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Raymond_Robinson_%28Green_Man%29
I'd feel kind of weird creating an evil otherworldly specter out of a perfectly decent regular guy with horrific power-line-induced deformities.

Here's one that I think has been described as a crappypasta....SWEET APPLE MASSACRE!

Seen as a far substandard, grosser, sicker successor to the MLP-FiM grimdark fic Cupcakes, this involves Big Mac, the Cutie Mark Crusaders and equine-pedophiliac rape-torture-murder-scat-urine-vomit-mutilation-gawd knows what else mess. Apparently a guy who played something like W.O.W. or something and got mad at a brony who constantly beat him at the game. Pretty petty stuff. The brony in question had the screenname of "CutieMarkCrusader".

[Ultimate Paragon]

I recently found this parody of bad video game creepypastas:

I was nearing the end of my playthrough of Super Metroid. The SNES era was before my time, and as a huge fan of Metroid: Other M, I had downloaded the relevant emulator and rom files to go back and explore the series's roots for the first time.

It wasn't until I made it to the final boss battle against Mother Brain that weird things started happening.  The boss fight started out much as I'd already seen from having played the NES Metroid, but where victory music should have been playing when she finally perished, instead an eerie silence fell for seventeen seconds before, all at once, disturbing music blared from my ipod earbuds as the disembodied brain rose from the ground, now sporting a hideously disfigured body that combined with her rehabilitated brain into a form I now like to refer to as Niarb Rehtom.  She snarled, and hyperrealistic saliva poured from her horrible maw.

Hands already soaked in sweat, I brought Samus's vast arsenal to bear upon the mechanical monstrousity.  For a moment, things seemed to be looking up, as I dodged Niarb Rehtom's projectiles and unloaded Super Missiles and charged Plasma Beams into her vulnerable cranium.

But then, something happened that would haunt me for the remainder of my short days.  Niarb Rehtom's brain glowed and thrummed with what I instantly knew was some eldritch power, and I Space Jumped wildly to stay out of its path.  My efforts were to no avail; a huge energy beam, colored an alien rainbow that made my stomach twist in revulsion, slammed unavoidably into Samus and pinned her against the wall, draining several Energy Tanks along with all of my remaining ammo before it ceased..  When it was done, Samus spent a few moments catching her breath and picking herself up off the ground in a disturbingly realistic fashion totally unlike the charming, cartoony world the rest of the game offered.  That was the moment I knew for certain that this was not the way the final boss fight was meant to progress, and that left only one logical explanation: The rom was haunted.

I pressed on, though I was already gripped by Lovecraftian despair.  Soon enough, Niarb Rehtom repeated her newfound tactic, a tactic I was helpless to do anything about beyond sitting back and watching Samus die little by little, until she couldn't summon the strength to so much as lift herself to her feet anymore even as the horrible beast used lesser attacks to whittle down her health almost to zero.

Finally, Niarb Rehtom readied her final rainbow death ray.  I shut my eyes, unable to watch the carnage.  But a strange new sound, profoundly disturbing in its own right, accompanied the death ray's sound, and I opened my eyes to see the giant Metroid from earlier in Tourian latched onto her head.  It sucked her energy away until she was a dry, lifeless husk, before floating tauntingly over above Samus's head as it chirped and flexed its wicked talons predatorily.

I closed the rom before the Metroid could do to Samus as it had done to Niarb Rehtom.  I couldn't bear to watch any further.  Only a mind intimately familiar with the deepest crevices of Hell could think to inflict such horror and indiscriminate brutality upon a simple Nintendo game.  I have seen into the abyss, and it has told me that God cares not for us.  This will be my final word on this Earth; I have the pistol cocked and loaded resting in my lap even as I type this.  Goodbye, everyone - I'm afraid I won't see you next mission.

[Second Coming of Madman]

the babythe babythe babythe babythe babythe babythe babythe babythe babythe baby