Vending Machine

[Random Gal]

Thought I'd add another popular internet game to the forum.

A huge vending machine stands before you! You can put in whatever you like and receive something else in return, usually related to whatever you put in.

Example:

Person 1: I insert a cow.

Person 2: You get a bottle of milk.
Person 2: I insert a meteor.

Person 3: You get a bunch of squished dinosaurs.
Person 3: I insert Rush Limbaugh.

Person 4: You get a steaming pile of bullshit. Er, I mean, you get Rush Limbaugh back. It's kind of hard to tell the difference.
Person 4: I insert a kitten.

and so on.

So I'll start by inserting a kitten.

[Art Vandelay]

You get the broken and bloody remains of a kitten you just forced through a vending machine. You asshole.

I insert my dick.

[Podkayne]

The broken and bloody remains of your dick you just forced through a vending machine.

A painting of a sailing ship being towed by steam tugs.

[QueenofHearts]

A painting of a sailing ship being towed by steam tugs.

You get a painting of steam tugs being towed by sailing ships

I'll put in my cell phone.

[Sleepy]

You get Bieber's cell phone number.

I insert Kansas.

[Random Gal]

A seemingly endless stream of corn, wheat, and soybeans pours out of the machine.

I insert the Bible.

[Cerim Treascair]

You get a list of books and previous mythos they ripped off, with footnotes and details.

I insert the legendarily bad Sonic 2006.

[Eniliad]

You get Sonic Unleashed.

I insert the Mona Lisa.

[gyeonghwa]

You get several thesis about the meaning and significance of the Mona Lisa

I insert the UNESCO list of intangible cultural heritage.

[Random Gal]

You get a list of "Places we should bulldoze for being eyesores and turn into hotels/casinos/oilfields/etc."
...It looks suspiciously similar to the list you just put in...

I insert my ex-girlfriend.

[RavynousHunter]

You get my brother's ex-girlfriend.  (Majorly overweight, dumber than a post, and married to a Mormon.)

I insert a TV.

[ThunderWulf]

You get a tv that plays nothing but Jerry Springer reruns.

I insert another vending machine.

[Art Vandelay]

You get the "yo dawg" guy (whatever the fuck his name is).

I insert a bag of cabbages.

[Sleepy]

You get a bunch of dancing Irish folks.

I insert a white elephant.

[jumpingjackflash]

You get the "yo dawg" guy (whatever the fuck his name is).

You're referring to Xzibit, I assume?

Anyway...you get a stampede.

I insert a copy of Final Fantasy VII.