Author Topic: Definitive Proof of GOD  (Read 7233 times)

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Offline Eniliad

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Definitive Proof of GOD
« on: March 12, 2012, 03:00:53 pm »
Ladies and Gentlemen of FSTDT,

Greetings.

I am here today to try to prove to you that there is, in fact, definitive proof of GOD. For as it is written in the Holy Scripture, "a sign will be revealed to you". Now, the passage was talking about the Wise Men visiting Christ's birth, but I do believe that this passage applies to our everyday lives as well. After all, GOD works in mysterious ways, ways in which we cannot fathom or comprehend, nor can we answer the questions He sets forth, for he is GOD. I can only pray and hope that you too will see the light and convert to the One True Faith in light of the overwhelming evidence I have set forth. It is said that GOD will protect His chosen people, those he has chosen to bless. Clearly, GOD smiles down upon me and has sheltered me and my family from devastation and tragedy.

I want you all to take a look at this actual photo taken from my backyard this morning.




As you can see, a terrible storm has blighted our neighborhood, taking down some forestation as it rages even now about our houses. However, in His infinite wisdom, He has chosen to make the tree fall in such a precise way, it didn't damage anything. If it had fallen north, it would have landed in our house. If it landed south, it would have hit the fence. It would have hit the other fence or our garden. If it fell southeast, it would have damaged our shed. This tree fell in the only way possible for it to not damage anything. You might chalk this up to a coincidence - a miraculous coincidence. I do not. It is clear to me that the Truth is that GOD is looking out for me, just as He is looking out for you as well! Embrace the faith, for GOD is willing to protect you too!

Brother in Christ,
Eniliad


(Disclaimer: I don't mean to offend actual Christians with this post; I'm making fun of fundies, not you.)

But seriously, look at that! That thing fell the only way as to not damage anything! That's awesome! The landlord will be over in a bit to inspect the damage, contract for removal, etc. Good times all around. :D

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Offline Old Viking

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Re: Definitive Proof of GOD
« Reply #1 on: March 12, 2012, 05:23:13 pm »
All praise!  Or whatever.
« Last Edit: March 12, 2012, 10:41:00 pm by Old Viking »
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Offline ironbite

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Re: Definitive Proof of GOD
« Reply #2 on: March 12, 2012, 07:08:30 pm »
When the hell did that happen anyways?

Ironbite-cause I know there was a big storm that whipped through here and we're under a high winds advisory right now so...

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Re: Definitive Proof of GOD
« Reply #3 on: March 12, 2012, 07:32:59 pm »
Dude, that's bullshit.

It's never ever EVER okay to write in comic sans.

Offline Eniliad

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Re: Definitive Proof of GOD
« Reply #4 on: March 12, 2012, 07:40:25 pm »
When the hell did that happen anyways?

Ironbite-cause I know there was a big storm that whipped through here and we're under a high winds advisory right now so...

I have no idea exactly when this happened. I was up till 4 AM and I didn't hear it. My mother says as soon as she looked out back in the morning, she saw it down... and I heard her get up before I fell asleep... so at some point, it fell in the backyard and nobody heard it. Did it even make a sound? I dunno!

Dude, that's bullshit.

It's never ever EVER okay to write in comic sans.

Can you think of a better font to mimic people who are annoying, abrasive and generally un-fun to be around? :P
<Miles> "If dildoes are outlawed then only outlaws will have dildoes."
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Yeah, gays cause hurricanes, tits cause earthquakes, and lack of prayer causes tornadoes. Learn to science, people.
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Porn peddlers peddling pedal porn? My life is complete.

Offline N. De Plume

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Re: Definitive Proof of GOD
« Reply #5 on: March 12, 2012, 08:53:45 pm »
Family lost a 30 year old ash tree in a storm last summer. It fell away from our property and landed on the neighbors’ house. Scraped some siding off. What do you suppose I should make of that?
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Offline Osama bin Bambi

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Re: Definitive Proof of GOD
« Reply #6 on: March 12, 2012, 09:34:07 pm »
Down the street there was once this giant-ass tree that fell and barely missed three houses. It blocked the road, though.
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Offline The Right Honourable Mlle Antéchrist

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Re: Definitive Proof of GOD
« Reply #7 on: March 12, 2012, 10:22:52 pm »
Hah. You people and your "wind". We get regular, tree-knocking-down windstorms up here. I watched a tree nearly topple over at work just the other week, and was all, "This is par for the course."

Then I morphed into a T. Rex and had sex with all the lady T. Rexes, while bench-pressing a Stegosaurus and shooting fire from my penis. Which was enormous.
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Offline davedan

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Re: Definitive Proof of GOD
« Reply #8 on: March 12, 2012, 10:30:50 pm »
Stegosaurus! Wow, Gay!

Offline The Right Honourable Mlle Antéchrist

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Re: Definitive Proof of GOD
« Reply #9 on: March 13, 2012, 01:29:47 am »
Bitch, you couldn't bench press a compsognathus.
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Re: Definitive Proof of GOD
« Reply #10 on: March 13, 2012, 01:56:27 am »
Can you think of a better font to mimic people who are annoying, abrasive and generally un-fun to be around? :P
Wingdings?

Offline The Right Honourable Mlle Antéchrist

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Re: Definitive Proof of GOD
« Reply #11 on: March 13, 2012, 01:59:33 am »
Honestly, I don't get why Times New Roman doesn't get as much hate as Comic Sans. They're both hideous.
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Re: Definitive Proof of GOD
« Reply #12 on: March 13, 2012, 02:10:30 am »
What's so bad about Times New Roman?

Offline The Right Honourable Mlle Antéchrist

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Re: Definitive Proof of GOD
« Reply #13 on: March 13, 2012, 02:20:15 am »
It looks awful.
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Re: Definitive Proof of GOD
« Reply #14 on: March 13, 2012, 02:22:51 am »
It's just a slightly smaller version of the default font (Arial, I think).