Things That Annoy You

[Svata]

It's the year 2016 and there are men who still think "master key/shitty lock" is a clever and accurate metaphor.

Never heard it. Explain it for me?

[davedan]

It's the year 2016 and there are men who still think "master key/shitty lock" is a clever and accurate metaphor.

Never heard it. Explain it for me?

I haven't heard it for years. More or less it is why are men who sleep with lots of women applauded and women who sleep with lots of men derided. Well imagine if you had a key that opened many locks, you'd think it was a great key. Whereas if you had a lock that was opened by many keys you would think it was a shitty lock.

[Even Then]

Which makes no sense because vaginas* aren't locks that keep one from accessing a location or item.

*not all women have vaginas, I know, but I sincerely doubt that anyone who unironically uses this metaphor has even considered the possibility that non-cisgender people exist

[Svata]

It's the year 2016 and there are men who still think "master key/shitty lock" is a clever and accurate metaphor.

Never heard it. Explain it for me?

I haven't heard it for years. More or less it is why are men who sleep with lots of women applauded and women who sleep with lots of men derided. Well imagine if you had a key that opened many locks, you'd think it was a great key. Whereas if you had a lock that was opened by many keys you would think it was a shitty lock.

Fucking hell.

[dpareja]

Well, there's also "A pencil that gets sharpened too much is eventually reduced to nothing. A pencil sharpener can sharpen tons of pencils and be just fine."

[Art Vandelay]

A power socket that can accept many different plugs is working as expected. A plug that can fit in many different power sockets is also working as expected. Therefore, we can safely conclude that all women are filthy sluts.

[Askold]

"Ei järvi soutamalla kulu." Finnish phrase which literally translates as "You can't wear out a lake by rowing a boat in it." It is actually a counter to slut-shaming. The point is that a woman who has had sex with a lot of guys isn't tainted or worn out by it. (Because if anything gets worn out by use in this metaphor it's the boat.)

[RavynousHunter]

Davedan, when I am talking about knifefights I am talking about hypotethical scenarios knowing full well that the only times when I would carry a knife for self defense would be during a war, zombie revolution or something similar (and it would mainly be a tool with the "stab a motherfucker" as a last resort when all other weapons cannot be used.)

Ok I thought you were just being a finnish person. Zombie apocalypse still better off with a bat than a knife.

Or a sturdy walking stick, since it'd be a multipurpose tool.  Though, I think the idea behind the knife thing is to easily pierce said zombie, expending less energy to kill them than beating them over the head like a caveman.  In that case, something of a middle ground would be along the lines of a rapier or shortsword, since you can move it rather easily and don't need as much strength as you do a longsword.  Though, a slightly more accessible (and thus practical) alternative would be a spear, since you get the versatility of a walking stick and, if nothing else, the piercing power of a knife, if not the slashing ability.

[davedan]

I thought the problem with zombies is that they are already dead and so are unaffected by a further loss of blood. Which is why you want a weapon that damages the structure of the zombie such as a bat (I have a large zombie hammer at home - a piece of iron inserted into an old wedge of railway track) A sword might be ok. And if you were going to get a cane, go for a sword cane as espoused in the 'unexpurgated code' by JP Donleavy.

[Askold]

The problem with the zombies is that the voodoo priest cast a spell that made them forget that they are dead. If you can feed them salt they will remember that they are dead and walk back to their graveyard and re-bury themselves (this is why you should always carry potato chips/crisps with you. Pringles is a good choice because the tube prevents the chips from crumbling, one of those smaller tubes even fits in your pocket better and is an ever-present help in case of a zombie attack.)

Or if the "zombies" are merely victims of a rage virus and are technically alive any weapon will do but you should either go for the brain (because hitting the CNS is an insta-kill and you don't want to let the maniacs who feel no pain close to you) or damage the legs to reduce their mobility if hitting the brain reliably is too difficult.
 
...I refuse to accept non-magical undead zombies so those will not be considered for a serious scenario.

[davedan]

That you don't want them too close is another reason to avoid the knife. Use the cricket/baseball bat to breach their arms and legs so it doesn't matter that they aren't feeling pain they are immobilised.

Also I like how you are prepared to consider a voodoo priest spell but not magic, like that is somehow different. Sorry misread that. But couldn't you have a magical undead zombie who isn't fooled by the salt trick?

In any event, I think we have established that no matter what the type of zombie apocalypse your go to weapon of choice should not be a knife.

[mellenORL]

A Zulu style short assegai, the iklwa, or a Scots knobkierrie would be my choice.

[davedan]

But do you have those lying around your house? Remind me never to fuck with you...or Sylvana. Very suspicious that they are all South African weapons

[mellenORL]

I'm reading H. Rider Haggard novels lately.

[davedan]

Well if it were any weapon, not simply ones you have lying around the house I'd go for a Naginata, Halberd, Taiaha or a maul or mace. Maybe a Katana, and if i did have to have a knife it would be a kukri.