Anchor: Breaking news: Human and Elven terrorists launch a brutal attack upon Mordor. Moments ago, Lord Sauron issued this statement to the Orc and Uruk-Hai citizens of Mordor,
Lord Sauron: These evil acts, perpetrated by evil creatures, will not go unpunished. Our retaliation will be swift, and fierce. We will do everything in our power to defend the freedom Mordor so enjoys. The freedom that these creatures wish to extinguish from Middle Earth.
Anchor: Fox News analyst Orc McOrcsmash joins us in studio now to break down situation. Mr. McOrcsmash, what is this all about?
Orc McOrcsmash: Me firmly believe dat humon and elf hate da Mordor way of life. All Sauron want iz to unite all peoplez to share in da prosperity of Mordor, but humon and elf no want dat. Humon and elf want to keep freedom away from deir peoplez becuz dey are evil.
Anchor: Thank you, Mr. McOrcsmash. Unbelievable. We go now, via sattelite, to human sympathizer, Urg Bonesnack. Urg, why do you hate Mordor?
Urg Bonesnack: What? Me no hate Mordor. Me just think humon are retaliating against da violence Sauron has brought against dem for age... (mic cuts)
Anchor: Hm, it seems we've lost communication with Mr. Bonesnack. Stay tuned to Fox News as we bring you continuous coverage of this dark day in Mordor.