Fanfiction Is the Darndest Thing

[TheUnknown]

Basically, this is a general thread for ranting about fics, fic elements, and fic writers that are annoying, angering, or just plain awful.  You can post the fic links, but you don't have to.  However, if you also have a fic you think is awesome, you can post it here, too.  This wasn't posted in Shippers Ship because this doesn't have anything to do with shipping.  Shipping issues should still go in Shippers Ship.

Here's what inspired me to start this thread.

I found a fic on Archive of Our Own, and the disclaimer for it immediately set off a red flag by having the author say "I had this on FF.net but had a problem with flamers, I know the fic has flaws but I want you to overlook them and see my amazing narrative."  I'm not exaggerating that last part; he literally called his own work an amazing narrative.  I don't know about the rest of you, but I always get really wary of authors when they self-congratulate like that.  Upon skimming the 986 reviews it had on FF.net, 99% of which were gushing praise, and reading the author's notes, it seems the 'flamers' he was referring to weren't actually flaming trolls telling him he sucked, but people who felt he was making mistakes in his narrative (particularly the technology) and getting into a heated debate with him.  He also apparently posted a chapter that was entirely an angry, swearing rant at said 'flamers,' and then later removed it (its reviews are still there, that's how I know it existed). 

So yeah, this rant was less about the fic, which I haven't read and don't plan to because I know I won't like it, and more about the behavior of the author.  I hate it when authors make posts that reek of "Don't point out the flaws, just see my work for the greatness that it is!"

What about you guys?  What fics or fic cliches or author habits have you read that piss you off?

Note:  If the mods think this still should've gone in Shippers Ship the Darndest Things, they can move it.  I just wasn't sure.

[Flying Mint Bunny!]

Most mpreg fic, because it's hardly ever portrayed realistically.

The pregnant guy is usually a really OOC delicate butterfly character, and they're completely fine with being pregnant, even when they didn't even know it was possible for them.

It's a shame, because it could be an interesting story line.

[Valerius]

Most mpreg fic, because it's hardly ever portrayed realistically.

The pregnant guy is usually a really OOC delicate butterfly character, and they're completely fine with being pregnant, even when they didn't even know it was possible for them.

It's a shame, because it could be an interesting story line.

Unless the species of the main characters are seahorses, how would you even portray male pregnancy realistically? As far as I know, the only way for a man to become pregnant would be for an embryo to be surgically implanted into his abdomen, which is pretty much guaranteed to result in his eventual death.

[PosthumanHeresy]

Magic.

Also, my biggest problem is OOC, and canon violations in non-alternate universe fanfiction. Also, real person fic that screws up with dates, time frames and ages. Personalities can be changed somewhat and I'll be fine, but if you're taking a shy person and making them a rapist, you're doing it wrong. Depressing porn fic is also a seriously irritating thing. It sucks the eroticism right out of it. Also, dead fic when the fic is good.

[Flying Mint Bunny!]

Most mpreg fic, because it's hardly ever portrayed realistically.

The pregnant guy is usually a really OOC delicate butterfly character, and they're completely fine with being pregnant, even when they didn't even know it was possible for them.

It's a shame, because it could be an interesting story line.

Unless the species of the main characters are seahorses, how would you even portray male pregnancy realistically? As far as I know, the only way for a man to become pregnant would be for an embryo to be surgically implanted into his abdomen, which is pretty much guaranteed to result in his eventual death.

I'm not really bothered by the impossibility of male pregnancy. Magic isn't real, and I love books about that.

It's the fact that whenever a guy gets pregnant in fanfic their whole reaction is just off. They're always completely happy to be pregnant and become all mumsy.

It's always portrayed in a super cutesy way, when really I think it should be more of a horror plot. Like the scene in Prometheus where she has the alien squid baby.

[RavynousHunter]

Most mpreg fic, because it's hardly ever portrayed realistically.

The pregnant guy is usually a really OOC delicate butterfly character, and they're completely fine with being pregnant, even when they didn't even know it was possible for them.

It's a shame, because it could be an interesting story line.

Unless the species of the main characters are seahorses, how would you even portray male pregnancy realistically? As far as I know, the only way for a man to become pregnant would be for an embryo to be surgically implanted into his abdomen, which is pretty much guaranteed to result in his eventual death.

I'm not really bothered by the impossibility of male pregnancy. Magic isn't real, and I love books about that.

It's the fact that whenever a guy gets pregnant in fanfic their whole reaction is just off. They're always completely happy to be pregnant and become all mumsy.

It's always portrayed in a super cutesy way, when really I think it should be more of a horror plot. Like the scene in Prometheus where she has the alien squid baby.

Hell, pregnancy's already a horror plot.  Think about it: you've got this parasitic organism that's slowly growing in your abdomen, leeching your nutrients for itself while providing nothing of its own whilst in-utero, uses chemical shenanigans to keep your immune system from killing it, and fucks with your mind thru your hormones.

[Lady Evil]

And then there's Christian fic, where the characters act like they've never heard of God before, but once they do, it's all they want! Writers of Christian fics are rather thin skinned so it's hard to find some of their works. here's a few titles:

How Can I Go On?: Sailor Moon fic. No transformations or talking cats. Serena is converted to Christianity by her new friends and is so happy she doesn't care that she's later raped and impregnated. It's all God's plan, after all! Includes a scene of Serena praying in front of a prom dress.

Harry Potter Turns to the Lord: Harry Potter goes flying on his broomstick, has an accident and is helped out by a Muggle. Muggle tells Harry all about Jesus and gives him a Bible to read. Harry thinks the Bible "makes sense" and snaps his wand in half, vowing never to do witchcraft again. No mention made of You-Know-Who

The Prayer Ponies: Charity Sue gets Twilight Sparkle to convert two minutes after meeting her. This causes Twilight to lose all her friends including her beloved mentor, but that's OK! Charity Sue and Jesus are the only friends she needs! Includes a BLAM where Fluttershy goes mountain climbing.

[Flying Mint Bunny!]

Can't think of how to explain it properly, but I also hate Harry Potter fics when people constantly mention house traits.

Like if a character says/does something even the slightest bit sneaky, someone has to say something like "How very Slytherin of you."

[PosthumanHeresy]

The Prayer Ponies: Charity Sue gets Twilight Sparkle to convert two minutes after meeting her. This causes Twilight to lose all her friends including her beloved mentor, but that's OK! Charity Sue and Jesus are the only friends she needs! Includes a BLAM where Fluttershy goes mountain climbing.

Shows where my mind is that I imagined Fluttershy suddenly being in the "Ohne Dich" music video.

[TheUnknown]

And then there's Christian fic, where the characters act like they've never heard of God before, but once they do, it's all they want! Writers of Christian fics are rather thin skinned so it's hard to find some of their works. here's a few titles:

How Can I Go On?: Sailor Moon fic. No transformations or talking cats. Serena is converted to Christianity by her new friends and is so happy she doesn't care that she's later raped and impregnated. It's all God's plan, after all! Includes a scene of Serena praying in front of a prom dress.

Harry Potter Turns to the Lord: Harry Potter goes flying on his broomstick, has an accident and is helped out by a Muggle. Muggle tells Harry all about Jesus and gives him a Bible to read. Harry thinks the Bible "makes sense" and snaps his wand in half, vowing never to do witchcraft again. No mention made of You-Know-Who

The Prayer Ponies: Charity Sue gets Twilight Sparkle to convert two minutes after meeting her. This causes Twilight to lose all her friends including her beloved mentor, but that's OK! Charity Sue and Jesus are the only friends she needs! Includes a BLAM where Fluttershy goes mountain climbing.

To be fair, there's some debate as to whether these fics, particularly the Harry Potter one, are troll fics or not.

On another note, character bashing.  This isn't a trait of just shipping fics, though it's where it's most often found, and often where it's most infuriating.  It almost always requires extensive character derailment of non-villainous characters.

[Alehksunos]

This is a considerable overlap with Shippers Ship the Darnest Pairings, but Die For Our Ship fanfics and fanworks. I've seen enough fiction where Sally Acorn is killed in the most bizarre and/or horrible ways, just so Sonic can be with Amy Rose, and as a person who ships both (I still largely prefer the Sonic/Amy ship) it makes all the Sonic/Amy shippers look bad.

And then there exists a fanfic based on the Pokémon Black and White versions (1) arc of the PokéSpecial manga, written by a FerrisWheelShipper bitter about the manga choosing Black (a counterpart to Hilbert/Touya) to be with White (counterpart to Hilda/Touko) instead of White being with N (let alone he is a different character in the manga, and actually abusive and malicious). I haven't read the fic, but a horror story of someone who has, and he mentioned how Black is killed and the grieving White takes part and finds new love with N.

And should I mention that the Ferris Wheel scene in the Manga (from what I've heard from fans of the manga) is much different from in the game? In the game, it's an aromantic advance in the story where you (Hilbert or Hilda) meet with N in a Ferris Wheel cabin, while in the manga N makes White so uncomfortable, and showed not any concern as she fell from the Ferris Wheel. Once again, I have not read the PokéSpecial manga (I'm concerned with where I could find it, however it has been translated to English officially, but fans say the official translations of all the editions and volumes kind of sucks), but I've been around the fandom to hear about some of the horrible things that manga N has done.

[Zygarde]

I have this thing against song fics I don't know why I just do every time I see one I just wish there was a way to destroy them.

[Patches]

High School AU: A story where characters who are not canonically in high school (or even high school-aged) are written into a high school setting.  Sort of crosses with the "Shippers Ship" thread, since 95% of the time the reason to do this is to have romance drama... but in high school!  Characters typically bear no resemblance to their canon personalities aside from their names and physical appearances.

Sister Sues:  A new corollary to Rules 34 and 63 should be "If a character exists, someone has written a fic where they have a long-lost sister".  Said sister is usually younger, exactly like them but better at everything, and can get away with incessantly harassing said character with no repercussions.

Fix-It Fics: The author dislikes a development in the original material or how a certain situation is handled, so re-writes the offending scene in a way that pleases them.  I consider "alternate shipping" fics to be a subcategory of this.  These types can go either way, with most of the bad ones revolving around someone being upset that their favorite character died and just sloppily rewriting the scene so that the character simply doesn't die.

Fanon: Varies from property to property, but consists of information concerning characters or their world that is frequently taken as a given in many varieties of fan-work, but which has no basis in any official sources.  Can be as small as the propagation of fan-names for unnamed characters, to as large as entire assumed backstories.  Spreads via the bandwagon effect due to fans seeing the same fan name or theory crop up multiple times and assuming that since more than one person uses it, it must be true, and are too lazy to verify, so then they start using it, which adds to the bandwagon.

[Flying Mint Bunny!]

I have this thing against song fics I don't know why I just do every time I see one I just wish there was a way to destroy them.

Me too. To me they always come across as being overly emotional and full of self importance.

[Alehksunos]

Fanon: Varies from property to property, but consists of information concerning characters or their world that is frequently taken as a given in many varieties of fan-work, but which has no basis in any official sources.  Can be as small as the propagation of fan-names for unnamed characters, to as large as entire assumed backstories.  Spreads via the bandwagon effect due to fans seeing the same fan name or theory crop up multiple times and assuming that since more than one person uses it, it must be true, and are too lazy to verify, so then they start using it, which adds to the bandwagon.

This one is especially annoying in the Pokémon fandom (read my last post on SSTDP) where the male and female Trainers are considered siblings, even "twins." I nearly abandoned a shipping until I found out this is not true.