Wishes Will Be Corrupted

[Veras]

Granted, but nothing is ever really worth waiting for anyway.

I wish my cold would go away.

[Kanzenkankaku]

granted, but you get the flu instead :^)

I wish anime were real.

[Art Vandelay]

Granted. You and everyone else gets raped by various cephalopods on an hourly basis. Thanks for that.

I wish for omnipotence (for myself, specifically).

[Kanzenkankaku]

granted, but every last deranged and fucked up thought any human has ever had now courses through your neurons and you have gained a level of psychosis never before seen from the constant exposure to it.

I wish I was wwe womens tag team champion.

[ironbite]

Granted.  Your partner is Eva Marie.

Ironbite-I wish I had 100 fish.

[Skybison]

Granted 100 Candiru become lodged in your urethra

I wish Sasquatches were real

[Eiki-mun]

Granted. It turns out the only big thing about them was their feet and they're only about four feet tall. Really disappointing.

I wish someone would pay off all my debts.

[Art Vandelay]

Granted, but they expect you to pay them back for it at an even more exorbitant interest rate.

I wish all of my immediate plans would succeed.

[Random Gal]

Granted. You were thinking about suicide at the time.

I wish my best friend lived in the same neighborhood as me, instead of on the other side of the continent.

[Kanzenkankaku]

granted, both of youve both been relocated to a neighborhood that just flooded because of climate change.

i wish i had a superpower to always conjure money needed for anything i need.

[Tolpuddle Martyr]

Granted, but you're the last human being on Earth and its utility is limited to doorstops and insulation.

I wish fundies could think critically.
 

[Feral Dog]

Granted. They somehow are even MORE critical of things they don't understand.

I wish humans were monotremes instead of placental mammals.