Author Topic: The Tragedy of Niam in a parallel universe  (Read 570 times)

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Offline 50

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The Tragedy of Niam in a parallel universe
« on: March 28, 2019, 05:36:20 pm »
Yo what’s up. Someone at my college who uses the name Jacob Harrison as his internet name is paying me 50 dollars to post this humiliating story here as revenge on someone here.

He says he wrote this as revenge on Niam for tricking him into making an oink video last summer(not to be confused with the more recent oink video), and revenge on his ex fiancée SweetDee(who changed her username to Louise Belcher and then to Baby Firefly) for breaking up with him on Kiwi Farms as shown here. https://kiwifarms.net/threads/we-need-to-stop-art-vandelay.52696/ He has this story posted on Kiwi Farms to humiliate SweetDee and now it is being posted here to humiliate Niam.

He said that it is part of the canon of a story called Parallel Hero.
Quote
SweetDee was a ho. She travelled all around finding people to fuck for money. In June 2018, a friend of hers said that if she goes to a certain gym in California, she will find a big muscular man there.

“How do you know this man?” SweetDee asked her friend.

“We are both members of the forums of Fundies Say The Darnedest Things.”

“I heard of that site. That is the site that is famous for the Arch Bishop of New Camelot, Jacob Harrison contributing there trying to convert people to Catholicism, claiming that the city of New Camelot was planted by angels from heaven, while we atheists know that it was most likely aliens who did it. So you have spoken with him there?”

“Yes. I have a master plan to kidnap him and bring him to justice. You can tell this man after you have sex with him to come to my house where he can be involved in the plan.

So SweetDee went to the gym in California and saw a big muscular man there lifting weights. That man was Niam. He despised Jacob Harrison for what happened to America.

While the governments of England, and Ireland were infiltrated by John Gavin’s society(which Jacob Harrison became the Grand Master of after John Gavin’s death) to restore the true heir to the Kingdoms of England and the Lordship of Ireland, Ireland required a referendum for amending the constitution and the Irish would never vote for a return to monarchy.
Therefore, in 2015 the infiltrated Irish government surrendered to the infiltrated governments of England and France to make Ireland part of the united Europan Kingdom.

However the other European nations opposed the invasion of Ireland which caused a European wide war.

President Obama and the US government also decided to intervene in the war. The War became World War III. As a result, the Europan Kingdom bombed Washington DC including the White House, Pentagon, and Capitol causing a collapse of the US government.

The Europan Kingdom decided against military occupation of the US since they were focused on Wars in Europe and made a ceasefire with the US government remnants, warning them that if they continued fighting, they would occupy the country and install Donald Trump as a vassal King.

And Jacob Harrison posted on the forums saying that the Europan Kingdom’s victory in Europe that made turned the other European nations into vassal Kingdoms and the new city called New Camelot being planted from heaven was proof that Christianity is true. The atheist fools on the forums thought that it was aliens that planted the city on Earth.

SweetDee walked up to Niam.

“Hello sexy man. I will agree to fuck you if you pay me money.”

“Great!” said Niam. “You are very sexy too.”

So she went to Niam’s house. SweetDee had nice sex with Niam. After the sex, she told Niam,

“I am also here to tell you to show up at my friend Lana’s house. She is the user Lana Reverse on the forums and has a plan to kidnap Jacob Harrison.”

“We forums users do not really like Lana because she promotes right wing views while claiming to be a true liberal, but I am willing to work with her against our common enemy Jacob.”

So Niam and SweetDee went to Lana’s house. Lana explained her plan.

“We are going to go to the New Camelot Abbey to capture Jacob Harrison. He will be brought to justice for crimes against America.”

“But Europe has had a huge shortage of fuel that stopped air travel,” said Niam.

“I have a private jet” said Lana. “We will trick him that we converted to Catholicism and that we need to have a meeting on how to infiltrate the American Episcopal Church and make it join the Catholic Church. We will then capture him and bring him to America.”

“But there will be so many guards in the Cathedral New Camelot.”

“I am a sorceress.”

“Yeah right. You are just fucking with us.” said Niam.

She then raised her hand and Niam and he began to choke.

“I find your lack of faith disturbing,” said Lana quoting a line from Darth Vader.

“Release him!” said Sweet Dee.
“Of course,” said Lana as she released him.

So they arranged a meeting with Jacob Harrison and travelled to New Camelot Abbey, a large Church complex.

“Well hello there,” said Jacob Harrison. “I am so glad that you converted to Catholicism and...”
They then grabbed him.

“What are you doing?!” said Jacob.

“Hey!” said the guards. They attempted to stop them but Lana unleashed her power and knocked them out.

“You tricked me!” said Jacob.
“And now you will be brought to a US army base and be at the mercy of the US army remnants,” said Niam.

So they brought him on the plane back to America and delivered him to Fort Lesley McNair in Washington DC. He was locked up in the prison there and they were planning to put him on trial.

Later, Lana came to Jacob’s cell.

“Jacob, I am breaking you out.”

“But you brought me here in the first place,” said Jacob confused.

“It is part of a greater master plan.”
She then used her powers to make the bars break. Niam, SweetDee, and guards came running.

“What are you doing?” said Niam.

“Fulfilling my greater master plan,” she said. Suddenly, she revealed her true demonic form. Her left eye had barely any sclera present and the iris burned red. The guards charged at her but she knocked them down.

“I am Bethicia! The Dynamic Dragon! Chaos Undivided! I can shape shift into many forms both male and female! I serve Lucifer!”

“In the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, I command you to leave demon lady!” said Jacob Harrison.
Hearing Jesus’s holy name caused her to shutter. She threw Jacob against the wall causing him to be knocked out.

“I wish that I could do this to Tolpuddle Martyr in Australia but I didn’t have enough time before I had to come here. I therefore could only give him a kiss before killing him. But with you, I can do more.”

She then moved her hand and Niam’s pants and underwear came off. She then tackled Niam and raped him.

“Stop!” said SweetDee. She ran towards them but Bethicia waved her arm and levitated SweetDee as she was raping Niam. She then threw her at a water boiler which broke, causing SweetDee to be boiled alive.

After Bethicia was done raping Niam, she said

“And now, I will explain my master plan. I will bring Jacob back, and leave him in New Camelot. He will reveal that he was captured and held here by the US army remnants. This will cause King Michael to order an invasion of the US. While a good amount of the army will be sailing to the US, it will weaken the Europan Kingdom making it vulnerable to attack. Through human sacrifice, I gain my power to create undead slaves. The worst part is that you are now going to go to Hell, along with SweetDee, as well as Tolpuddle Martyr and Art Vandelay who I murdered in Australia. You should have listened to Jacob and repented.”

She then pressed her hand against Niam’s face and her arm began to glow red, and the skin of Niam’s face began to peel off. Soon his face was nothing but a skeleton. He was dead.

Jacob Harrison woke up in the streets of New Camelot. He was surrounded by Knights.

“Sir Harrison, what happened? You were kidnapped by a sorceress.”

“I was taken to the US, held by US army remnants in a military base, and a demon lady threw me against the wall. That is the last thing I remember,” said Jacob.

“Well this is something important to bring to the King,” said a knight.
So Jacob Harrison went to Quicksilver castle and explained the whole story to King Michael.

“So, there are still US army remnants around. They violated the ceasefire by holding you captive so I order for there to be an invasion of the territory that was once US and for Donald Trump to be installed as the vassal King of America,” ordered King Michael.

Meanwhile Bethicia was in hell laughing as she was watching Tolpuddle Martyr, Art Vandelay, SweetDee, and Niam burn in the fire and get eaten by worms.

Their levels of torment were different due to their different degrees of sin. Art Vandelay was the least of the sinners, and was therefore at the surface of the flames.

Niam and Sweet Dee were just below the surface due to their sexual immorality.

Tolpuddle Martyr was at the bottom of the flames for unlike the others, he was an ex Christian and therefore bore the great sin of apostasy.

Demons were surrounding them chanting “You should have listened to Jacob Harrison!”

Lucifer showed up.

“You have done well. The Europan Kingdom will be weakened and more souls have entered my Kingdom. Now it is time for you to go to Edea Springs. In the meantime, I will have a Japanese god attack New Camelot.”

“Yes my lord.”

Offline davedan

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Re: The Tragedy of Niam in a parallel universe
« Reply #1 on: March 28, 2019, 07:05:47 pm »
That's fantastic, even Jacob knows Chaos Undivided, Dynamic Dragon, Lana Reverse and Anal Paragon are the same person. Although she aint a sorceress mate, she's a dude.

Also is king Michael, actually King Michael Bolton - because that would be funny

Offline Chaos Undivided

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Re: The Tragedy of Niam in a parallel universe
« Reply #2 on: March 28, 2019, 07:12:02 pm »
Personally, I prefer the Tragedy of Darth Jacob the Fool.
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Online Kanzenkankaku

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Re: The Tragedy of Niam in a parallel universe
« Reply #3 on: March 28, 2019, 11:13:02 pm »
Well one thing is for sure. This ain't a story the Jedi order would tell anyone.

Offline Chaos Undivided

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Re: The Tragedy of Niam in a parallel universe
« Reply #4 on: March 29, 2019, 10:39:11 am »
So, "50", I have a question. How does Jacob square his belief in the existence of parallel universes with his strict religious views?
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Offline Itachirumon

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Re: The Tragedy of Niam in a parallel universe
« Reply #5 on: March 29, 2019, 09:53:15 pm »
Change your name to "50" if you want, I resent that you share my middle/preferred name when your posts all reek of the same creepy as "Chris-chan." Seriously, who the hell do you think you're fooling? "Hi, my name is Fiddy, I'm a friend of a guy who got ganon-banned here and I just want to post something he said in explicit detail I totes didn't write myself and I'm most definitely, certainly, assuredly, not using a pseudonym in the hopes nobody will notice the similarities in our linguistic style.

Cause, y'know, people make a damn living studying forensic linguistics, right? Being able to tell who someone is based on how and what they write? Did you think nobody here had that ability? I'll throw my hat into the ring, -raises hand- I have that ability.

I give your trolling 0/10, wouldn't partake again.
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Offline Sigmaleph

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Re: The Tragedy of Niam in a parallel universe
« Reply #6 on: March 31, 2019, 03:39:42 pm »
He's already been banned, by the way.
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Offline Chaos Undivided

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Re: The Tragedy of Niam in a parallel universe
« Reply #7 on: April 01, 2019, 11:41:38 pm »
Given what day it is, I was tempted to make a Jacob Harrison parody account, but I thought better of it.
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Offline The_Queen

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Re: The Tragedy of Niam in a parallel universe
« Reply #8 on: April 23, 2019, 06:25:55 am »
So, senior Vandelay and Niam are fucking with Jacob harrison by seducing his online girlfriends?
Does anyone take Donald Trump seriously, anymore?

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Re: The Tragedy of Niam in a parallel universe
« Reply #9 on: April 23, 2019, 07:19:21 am »
I have to say, I do sometimes regret my moment of weakness with Jacob. If I had never told him that there was no transcendental enlightenment to be gleaned from a four hour stream of some cockhead playing Skyrim, who knows how long it would've taken him to figure it out.

Then again, maybe it was for the best. I very strongly suspect that Jacob is genuinely mentally challenged in some way.