My day as a white american:
It started when I took this survey that said I was in a bubble. How do I break out? I can just spend a day doing things to get "yes" answers.
I go to the convenience store to pick up a 24 pack of Budweiser and a carton of cigarettes. And back home. Shouldn't I be going to work? Hmm... I'll get to that later.
I crack open a beer and light a cig- shit! I forgot a lighter, so I light it off the stove.
I turn on the TV and switch to nascar. One beer down. I start a new one. Cars are driving in circles. I become bored and drink another beer. My cigarette is out, so I need to relight another one on the stove. Note to self: always keep more cigarettes around so I can use the previous one to light it.
I look at the list. Church. I drive to a church, drinking another beer in the process. I smoke another cigarette. I have to remind myself to get a lighter.
I try to make a friend at church. That way I'll have a friend that's a fundamentalist christian I disagree with politically, to mark off 2 more yes answers in one shot. All friendship attempts fail. Something about rudeness in interrupting the sermon, reeking of tobacco, and slurring my wrods. I'm forced to leave, but wait around drinking beer until peolpe leave church and someone does something known as "witnessing", and claims to be a friend triyng to "save" me. Thsoe two things: Check.
I'm hungry. Appelbees soudns awesome right now! I'm drunk, but I'm at that point where I'm relaly good at driving, nto too messed up that I'm impaired. There is smoething like that, right? Everyone else sukcs at driving, but whatever. I get there, double park across two hanidcap spots an dwalk in. I get in and ask for a "fucking bloomin' onion". They say something about it being the worng resturant, but whatever. Oprah is on. Another thing on the checklist to become a super amerian. I grunt and point to something on the menu.
Oprah is talking about some book when a nice girl arrvies with food. I was hnugry, and she read my mind! I'm in love ^_^ Oh yeh, I ordered that, huh? Maybe this will sboer me up. That was some really fucking awesome food, a lot better when you're drunk, and I'm sobered up a bit. I finish watching Oprah and walk out. I think I forgot something about paiyng, but it's too late now. I crack open another beer and drive off.
...and carsh into a pole! Fcuk, that pole jupmed out form nowhere! goddmait! Car won't strat adn is spilling smelly liquids everywhere. I pull all my beers out of the car and strat walking. Walking and drinkign. I need a fucking cigarette. Lighter! I go to a conevnience store, hid the beers behind a bush to lighten the load and wlak in. I grab a lighter and dump all the coins in my wlalet onto the counter. Not enough, so I grap a dollar bill out of my wallet and toss it dwon. But it was a Receipt. OK. ar eal dollar. Nwo I can lihgt up. also gte myslef a bag to carry the beers.
I pull out the list. Greyhound bus and tranfsormers movie sound good. I fnid the cheapest ticket and go on the bus, then to the movie thaeter and fnid out they dnot allow beer adn I have to fnish what I hvae before I go in. I pnoud that shit lkie a champ and gte a mvoie ticket. The plot mkaes no snese but awesome expolsions! Dude, it wsa fcukng awsmoe! I think I threw up on the folor at one poitn btu it was sticyk aynways so fcuk it. I got out after movie endde and can't fnid where I parked. Oh goddammit, I guses I am wakling.
I wake up having no idea where I am, what time it is, or where my car or pants are. I have the worst splitting headache you could imagine. My cell phone is near me, and I have angry text messages from everyone. Near me is a list:
drink cheap beer and smoke cigarettes
Get injured at a factory job while wearing a uniform
shoot some varmints
go to rotory club meeting
parade
find fundie friend with political disagreements
Watch nascar and Oprah
watch transformers movie
join the military
ride a greyhound bus
disown my parents and claim a poor family as my own
make friend with someone incapable of passing high school
move to poor neighborhood
Iz I a white American?