Satan Tries To Corrupt America
Republicans declare their intent to defund Medicaid. At a press conference, Obama reveals that Medicaid is actually a cover for the US government seeking to preserve American penises. During the Cold War, the Soviets unleashed a nanovirus that would have caused all American males to lose their penises. Medicaid is the cover for a special energy field that suppresses the nanovirus. In other words, if Congress defunds Medicaid, everyone's penises will fall off.